Fears

I have been trying to come up with something profound to say about our fears this whole week. But some how I just go blank whenever I try to think about it and around Wednesday it just hit me – a real ha-ha! moment while on commute to work in an over loaded taxi cab trying to balance all 30 pounds of my son, 138 pounds of me and two huge bags simultaneously – what really are my fears???

I now dedicate this blog to trying to put words to my fears, to uncover what my greatest fears are and to try to find a way to accept that.

The first thing that came to mind when this thought occurred was my son and my initial thought was that I fear he would grow up to be someone I am not proud of and then almost immediately I realised that’s not entirely true. I would be proud of my son regardless of his personal choices and lifestyle, even if its something I don’t support or like. I would be proud of my son because of his values, how he treats people, his regard for the value of a human life regardless of the status or position of the person.

Then I stopped on that train of thought and began to think well, maybe that’s not really what I fear. But instead what I fear is that he grows up and he is not happy with his life. I want for him to be happy and not feel responsible for anything or anyone -well, not stressed over anything and then I thought, maybe when he get’s married and have kids then he can start being responsible but for now I would be fine if he didn’t want to be responsible not even for me.

I just sank because in all this thinking I started to realise I don’t know what I feared the most.

On Thursday night, my mom, little sister and I decided to watch a movie and we watched The Faults in Our Stars. This just re-opened my thoughts on my fears again and even as I write this I am crying because it was not just for my son any more. My thoughts immediately turned to my aunt who was recently diagnosed with stage 3 cancer and is now undergoing chemo and I cried because I realised my mother is watching her sister die and my cousin, one of my best friends, is watching his mother die and….. I cant stop it.

Then my thoughts turned to my own child and my health situation and even though I am not terminally ill or even remotely sick, there is a good chance within a few years that will change- drastically and I dread having to leave him so young and so innocent. I fear not being there for my child. And not in the overprotective, smothering way- I fear missing him grow up, first day at school, his first crush, his wedding, his children……. I fear not being apart of something I know is just God’s gift to me- I fear not being in his life.

And yes you may ask “so what about before he was born did you not have any fears then?” I don’t know how to answer that question honestly,  because that’s a part of me I don’t think I am ready to share yet.

Until Next Time……

What About Me Pt.2

I had so much fun doing part 1 so here is part 2!!! Enjoy!!

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Gymnastics-can’t do it; but I love seeing it!

27. HAIR COLOR? Dark Brown

28. EYE COLOR? Brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No, just glasses lol

30. FAVORITE FOOD? Anything Jamaican

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings usually with a little inspirational touch.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Inside Out – one word – Awesome!!

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Blue and Green (uniform for casual Fridays)

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? I have only known summers (Island Life)

35. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs. Big Bear Hugs!!!

36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Ice cream and cake

37. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO? Cardio

38. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION? Computer

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? None, but the last was Pride and Prejudice

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don’t have one

41. ANY TATTOOS? No and I don’t plan on any

42. FAVORITE SOUND? Rain Fall and My son’s laugh

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME IN 2015? About 250 miles (bae’s house)

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Yes, Several. I Sing, Dance, Draw, Design (clothes and houses) and Cook ….Very Well !!! oh and I Organize (OCD MUCH) 0_o

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Beside the beach St Ann Jamaica the home of Dunn’s River Falls and Bob Marley

47. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW? Moneague- a little more inland and mountain life.

48. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE? A earthy brown and peach combo.

49. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR? Don’t have one

50. ANY PETS? NO

 

So Its completed and I like what I learned or was reminded of about myself except for one thing. I thing I have a legit phobia for getting fat.

Well thanks guys for reading and I hope I get to know something about you too. Leave a comment or email me. I really would love to hear back from you guys.

Until Next Time…

The Basic- French Wardrobe Inspired 

  

I am in the process of updating my look. I like a clean, simple look and thought that this was a good foundation to build a more fashionable wardrobe. I have no idea where to begin and I’m on a budget but I am gonna make the best I it and try to keep you posted on the progress. 
What’s your style? Let me know in the comments and do tell your favorite store/brand.  
Until Next Time…… Happy Shopping!

About Me Pt. 1

Just when I thought I have no idea what to post first, the idea hits me – do an “About Me” post. So here is part one of two.

Questions courtesy of http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5569657

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes, I was named after a little girl my mother feel in love with while pregnant with me!

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? I don’t remember exactly but about 2 weeks ago.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Well I have about three different kinds, I like two of the three.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Brown Stewed Chicken ( I Live in Jamaica so that’s lunch meat for me)

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Yes a wonderful ball of Energy for a son.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Yes, I like me

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Is that a question? Sarcasm is my second language

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? I wanted to but I’ve gotten older and more fragile now so not any more

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Rice Crispy

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Yes

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Yes, I would like to think that

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Rocky Road (mix of vanilla, chocolate syrup, caramel, nuts and cookies)

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? I notice their …. OMG I just learned something about my self and I don’ think I like it!

15. RED OR PINK? Neither

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I am super talented – a jack of a lot a trades

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My son

18. WHAT IS THE SPARK FEATURE THAT HAS HELPED YOU THE MOST? I would think my personality although I could be wrong

19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Tan (Brown)

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Cornmeal Porridge

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The hum of my colleague’s fan but music wise I am in love with Colbie Caillat

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Navy Blue

23. FAVORITE SMELLS? Vanilla and Dragon Lily

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Bae lol

25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE? Mountain Hideaway

 

Stay tuned for Part 2. This was fun !!!!!!