I have been trying to come up with something profound to say about our fears this whole week. But some how I just go blank whenever I try to think about it and around Wednesday it just hit me – a real ha-ha! moment while on commute to work in an over loaded taxi cab trying to balance all 30 pounds of my son, 138 pounds of me and two huge bags simultaneously – what really are my fears???

I now dedicate this blog to trying to put words to my fears, to uncover what my greatest fears are and to try to find a way to accept that.

The first thing that came to mind when this thought occurred was my son and my initial thought was that I fear he would grow up to be someone I am not proud of and then almost immediately I realised that’s not entirely true. I would be proud of my son regardless of his personal choices and lifestyle, even if its something I don’t support or like. I would be proud of my son because of his values, how he treats people, his regard for the value of a human life regardless of the status or position of the person.

Then I stopped on that train of thought and began to think well, maybe that’s not really what I fear. But instead what I fear is that he grows up and he is not happy with his life. I want for him to be happy and not feel responsible for anything or anyone -well, not stressed over anything and then I thought, maybe when he get’s married and have kids then he can start being responsible but for now I would be fine if he didn’t want to be responsible not even for me.

I just sank because in all this thinking I started to realise I don’t know what I feared the most.

On Thursday night, my mom, little sister and I decided to watch a movie and we watched The Faults in Our Stars. This just re-opened my thoughts on my fears again and even as I write this I am crying because it was not just for my son any more. My thoughts immediately turned to my aunt who was recently diagnosed with stage 3 cancer and is now undergoing chemo and I cried because I realised my mother is watching her sister die and my cousin, one of my best friends, is watching his mother die and….. I cant stop it.

Then my thoughts turned to my own child and my health situation and even though I am not terminally ill or even remotely sick, there is a good chance within a few years that will change- drastically and I dread having to leave him so young and so innocent. I fear not being there for my child. And not in the overprotective, smothering way- I fear missing him grow up, first day at school, his first crush, his wedding, his children……. I fear not being apart of something I know is just God’s gift to me- I fear not being in his life.

And yes you may ask “so what about before he was born did you not have any fears then?” I don’t know how to answer that question honestly,  because that’s a part of me I don’t think I am ready to share yet.

Until Next Time……


Some Kinda Time Management

Hey guys!!  Its been a hard week for me so far  and sometimes I just feel like throwing in the towel. I saw this and thought it might help if I tried it to get my clutter- both mental and physical- under control. I needed some kinda time management.

Its not that I didn’t have any system before, its just that I was taking on a lot more work and was starting to fall behind. I know I am not perfect but in my work environment its not even an option to have any delay- thanks to the “ubber b*tch” of a boss. Ever since I voiced my opinions its been a rough road every single day with her!

So here’s something I found online. Thanks to Mess-2-Success posting a comment on the blog by BreyBrey44 that I liked- no loved!
inspire next post


“The Pomodoro Technique is a time management method developed by Francesco Cirillo in the late 1980s. The technique uses a timer to break down work into intervals traditionally 25 minutes in length, separated by short breaks. These intervals are known as “pomodori”, the plural of the Italian word pomodoro for “tomato”. The method is based on the idea that frequent breaks can improve mental agility.

There are five basic steps to implementing the technique:

  1. Decide on the task to be done
  2. Set the pomodoro timer to n minutes (traditionally 25)
  3. Work on the task until the timer rings; record with an x
  4. Take a short break (3–5 minutes)
  5. After four pomodori, take a longer break (15–30 minutes)

The stages of planning, tracking, recording, processing and visualizing are fundamental to the technique. In the planning phase tasks are prioritized by recording them in a “To Do Today” list. This enables users to estimate the effort tasks require. As pomodori are completed, they are recorded, adding to a sense of accomplishment and providing raw data for subsequent self-observation and improvement.

For the purposes of the technique, “pomodoro” refers to the interval of time spent working. After task completion, any time remaining in the pomodoro is devoted to overlearning. Regular breaks are taken, aiding assimilation. A short (3–5 minutes) rest separates consecutive pomodori. Four pomodori form a set. A longer (15–30 minute) rest is taken between sets.

An essential aim of the technique is to reduce the impact of internal and external interruptions on focus and flow. A pomodoro is indivisible. When interrupted during a pomodoro either the other activity must be recorded and postponed (inform – negotiate – schedule – call back) or the pomodoro must be abandoned.

The creator and others encourage a low-tech approach, using a mechanical timer, paper and pencil. The physical act of winding up the timer confirms the user’s determination to start the task; ticking externalises desire to complete the task; ringing announces a break. Flow and focus become associated with these physical stimuli.

The technique has inspired application software for a variety of platforms.” –Wikipedia